New information...

I learned last night that Mia is in a foster family. When requesting an update on some other information, a comment led me to ask if she had been moved from the orphanage. In a nutshell, I now understand that at some point she was placed in foster care. I don't know if she has been there for years or months. I don't know if she is in a foster home (run by orphanage staff) or in an individual foster family. I don't know if I will ever know the answers to those questions.

When I learned the news, I felt heartbroken. I felt like I had been punched. I literally had to catch my breath as I read it. It was such a painful reminder of how very little we know about Mia's situation, how completely out of control I am over the details. All this time I understood her to be in an orphanage in Beijing. I have researched it extensively, have accessed dozens of pictures and communicated with many families who have adopted children from there. There was such comfort in being able to picture, even if just a little bit, where she is while we wait and long to hold her.

It is really hard to describe my mixed emotions. In many ways, her being placed in foster care could be a very good thing. Many children adopted from foster care in China do not have the same developmental delays as children institutionalized for their entire lives. Many children in foster care learn healthy attachment and bonding with their foster families which often translates to healthy attachment with their adoptive family. Many children in foster care understand family dynamics and the role of mommy and daddy better than those coming straight from orphanages. Many children in foster care are well prepared for their adoption. But really I don't know any of this for certain either.

There is no guarantee that she is in a loving, healthy home.

There is no guarantee that she is protected from abuse or neglect.

I pray desperately that she is.

On the other hand, I know that if her foster home is loving and caring, she may grieve very intensely when she is pulled from it. Honestly, my dark fear is that she will hate me for ripping her from her foster mom and family. It also means there may be a family who grieves as well. I know how much I grew to love the 2 year old foster son of my dear friend in his 5 short months with their family. We still miss little Junebug and think about him often.

I pray that we will receive pictures of her foster family. I pray that we will get contact information. I pray that we will be able to meet them. I have so many questions. Is she loved? Is she protected? Does she have foster siblings? What is her life like there? Where is it? Is she in a house? An apartment building? Does she share a room or is she in a room alone? How long has she been there?

I think this news more than anything has shaken me. I feel a huge responsibility to know everything I can about her first four years without us so that I can share it with her. It is part of her story. It is her history. I want to be able to put as many of the pieces together as I can for her.

After finding out, I called my sister and was able to have a little cry (thank you Kathy). I feel better today. The Lord has brought peace to my heart. While this was a surprise to me, the Lord has never lost track of Mia (thank you for those sweet words Jess). I know that this too, is all apart of His Sovereign plan to bring Mia home to her forever family. We have new ways to pray for her now, new things to prepare for.

Please pray for Mia...that she is safe, and loved, and cared for, and protected. Pray that her little heart is being prepared for our family - that she can receive our love and give it in return. Pray that the Lord will pour out an extra measure of grace and strength and peace for the trauma that lies ahead for her.

I just want to go get her.
But I will serve Him in the wait - I will worship while I'm waiting.

Worshipping the King,
Karen

Below is a picture Steve took of Chloe. She was fully enjoying her vanilla shake made by her Daddy...brings a smile to my face. Hope it brightens your day too.

My boys

Caleb and Luke are boys through and through. I remember when I had my first born and it was a boy. And then my second born was a boy. I thought I don't know how to "do" boys. I don't know how to play with trucks or wrestle or build great towers. I know how to play babies, paint nails, and have tea parties. I wondered, what am I going to do with 2 boys? Many people argue that there is no difference between boys and girls. They say that it is our culture and environment that influences the differences that we see as they grow into adulthood. I could not disagree more. God designed males and females VERY differently, intentionally and with great purpose. Raising children of both genders has confirmed this for me again and again.

My boys have been boys from the beginning. Don't get me wrong, they still cook with me, write plays, love to sing and dance, and pretend, but the theme is usually about conquering, accomplishing or competing. They want my admiration; Chloe wants my love. I'm not suggesting that Caleb and Luke don't want my love too (and Chloe my admiration), of course they do and they readily receive it. It is just that their underlying need is for respect...sometimes I feel like I am raising little men. Then I realize, in many ways I am. =)

For the last week or so the boys have been working diligently on a "project." This is a regular activity in our house. They are constantly building and creating. If only I could show you the number of "helpful tools" they have made out of duct tape and things in our recylcing bin (ie. tin lids, bottles, cans, plastic containers) - it truly is unbelievable.

Consistently, when Caleb and Luke arrive home from school, they put their backpacks down and beg to go back outside to the woods or "animal junction" which is what they call it. It is not even on our property, but our gracious neighbors don't seem to mind (thank you Steve & Courtney). I ask them to change into "play jeans," be careful and kind and to ask permission if they want to go anywhere else. Most recently, they have been working especially hard on a secret project. A few days ago, they excitedly came in after a few more hours of "work" and anxiously said - it's finished, come see!

I had no idea what I would find, but I must say once I saw their masterpiece I was pretty impressed. Take a look for yourselves...



They fully equipped it with a firepit and sleeping areas:



I am certain that they believe they could survive in the wild...
they were so proud! And they got all kinds of admiration from their mom! :)



This is just one of the reasons I love my
creative,
man vs. wild,
teepee-building boys.

They have taught me
how to play with trucks
and wrestle
and build great towers
and so much more.

God is so good.

The story behind the name...

Steve and I had been spending a lot of time talking about names for our fourth child, our second daughter. We had wrestled with a lot of them. Our little girl in China is currently named Ma Chun Hui (sounds like Ma Chun We). Most likely she was given this name by an orphanage nanny when she was brought there to live as an infant. Ma is actually her "last name" or surname, which in China is said first. After some research we learned that "Ma" was given to all of the little girls that entered her particular orphanage in the year 2006. Chun Hui was then given specifically to her. Chun means spring or blooming. Hui means brightness or intelligent. Interestingly, Chloe means blooming as well.

Because she already has a name and has been called this name for 4 years, we wanted to make sure that we chose something similar. We didn't want to turn her whole world upside down as we took her from the orphanage and then start calling her something completely unfamiliar. But we also knew that we wanted to give her a new name, to represent her new life with her forever family. A name chosen by her Mommy and Daddy.

So right now she is Ma Chun Hui.

We struggled because we really wanted a Biblical name. We just weren't sold on any of the M names. We loved many others and considered Abigail, Esther, Naomi, Anna, and Grace. We liked many of those, but none of them sound even close to "Ma."

As we opened up our options to include other names, I mentioned Mia. I have always loved the name Mia. It sounds so feminine and graceful. When I said Mia, Steve said he loved it too. Really? I was so surprised - I never knew that it was a name that he liked...and let's not forget this was the 4th time we have talked baby names together. I decided to look it up in our baby name book because the meaning of a name is incredibly important to us. First I found that the name Mia is Italian. We both loved that because my Dad's family is Italian and my family has always loved identifying with our Italian roots – now she will have them too. Then I saw the meaning...

Mia means Mine.

When I said the meaning out loud to Steve, he said, "That's it. We have a name." It is absolutely perfect because the Lord has made her mine.

Jane is my middle name and was my grandmother’s middle name, my mom's mom. We have always loved it. We also learned that it was Steve's grandmother's middle name (also on his mom's side) and goes back several generations. Steve wanted to use it for Chloe’s middle name, but somehow I knew we needed to save it for another daughter. We absolutely love the name Jane and from the beginning had planned on using it for our little girl in China. It is not by chance that it has a similar sound and tone to Chun. We looked up the meaning and I shared it with Steve.

Jane means God's grace.

Together her name means Mine (by) God's grace.
Absolutely beautiful.

Hui is part of her Chinese given name. We love it. We want to retain a portion of her given name as part of her Chinese heritage and identity. We will always encourage her to embrace it.

Vandenberg, of course, will be her last name. I really love the name Vandenberg. I remember being glad to take it as my new last name when I became Steve's wife. It is a strong Dutch name and both of Steve's parents are Dutch. She too will now have a Dutch heritage. She will always be a Vandenberg.

So, Ma Chun Hui will soon be Mia Jane Hui Vandenberg.
...a little girl with Chinese, Italian and Dutch roots,
woven together by God's grace.

She is Mine by God's Grace.

That's our story.

2 More Birthdays in the V Crew

Well, we have now celebrated two more birthdays in our family, both Steve and Luke. I am realizing that with Mia's birthday on March 31, Steve's on April 6, Luke's on April 9 and Chloe's on May 10 we have 4 of 6 of The V.Crew celebrating birthdays in under 6 weeks. Add in Easter, Mother's Day and several extended family and dear friends birthdays in May and it makes for a REALLY busy time! Whoa.

We had a good time celebrating Steve's birthday...he had special delivery of NJ bagels come from his parents which have been such a treat! Although, Steve is pretty possessive of them. ;) If you have never had a NJ bagel - there truly is no other bagel that can compare. None can compete. Mmm...I may go need to sneak one after I am done here. Anyways, Steve and I had a date night out and the kids made some really special cards for him. I realized that he is only 13 years from 50 and that just sounds crazy old. How can that be?? He laughed at me and said...what are you talking about you're only 6 months behind. True. It is just really weird because he is now closer to 50 than 24 and we both just feel so much younger than we actually are...it doesn't help that all of our close friends here are like 100 years younger than us! ;)

Three days later, we were on to celebrating Luke's big day. Luke is our party guy and enjoys every moment of his day. He must have said 10 times isn't this a great day?? He had announced the week earlier (when he celebrated his Door County b-day with Grandma & Boppa) that it has always been his dream to wake up to people singing happy birthday. He's so dramatic. So, in Door County we all rounded his bed and woke him with song and he grinned from ear to ear. It wasn't even his birthday. :) He is a riot. Anyways, on his real birthday, we did the same. He headed to school after choosing one present to open - a nerf disc shooter from Aunt Leslie, Uncle Craig & family - a HUGE hit I might add. I then went in to his school late morning to bring his birthday treat; he asked for root beer floats for the whole class. It is never the routine cupcakes, rice krispy treats, cookies...oh no he is all about something unique that screams let's party! That's our Lukers.

Later that night, he had a sleepover party with pizza, cupcakes and a few of his good pals. They went on a big scavenger hunt all around our neighborhood and all the way up to school. We hid blue eggs with clues in them leading them to the next spot. Thankfully we have amazing neighbors who were happy to have a bunch of excited boys running around with flashlights (and Steve) searching for eggs. They arrived home for milkshakes and a movie and slept in the 9'x9' family tent that I set up in the basement. They had a great time. Morning came WAY TOO early @ 6:15am and Steve got the pancake breakfast rolling by 7:30! It was a great day for him. I am so glad - he is such a blessing to our family - every one of them are...

Today after church we spent much of the afternoon working on a project that was one of Luke's presents. He told his Grandma Vandenberg that he wanted a pottery wheel for his birthday. WHAT?! Who says that? I explained to him you can't just buy a pottery wheel buddy, can you think of another idea. Much to my surprise Grandma & Grandpa Vandenberg managed to find a pottery wheel and sent it for his birthday! He was super excited about it! So, we spent the afternoon, molding and shaping and spinning the clay on the wheel. The "pot" is drying and awaiting the painting phase,but below you can see some pictures of the process. After the kids left to play outside, I spent a lot of time trying to repair the weak little pot. Working with that clay was surprisingly therapeutic.

I, of course, had all kinds of analogies going through my head about my Heavenly Father being the potter and me being the clay. I sure need a lot of shaping and molding to be made into the image He created me to be. Sometimes that process is painful. Sometimes it is exhausting. Sometimes the walls need to be strengthened, sometimes the foundation needs to be steadied, sometimes pieces need to be cut out all together. It is crazy that sometimes I think that I would be a better potter than Him in my life. That sure is ridiculous...and after seeing our little creation I am sure that you'll agree. :)

Thankfully in the Potter's Hands,
Karen



Our Seven Year Old...Lukers







...our masterpiece



...and an Easter Photo

Happy 4th Birthday Mia!

Today is our youngest child's birthday. Our little girl is turning 4...and we haven't even met. It is unbelievably difficult to describe what that feels like.
...to long to hold a child who doesn't know that I'm her mommy
...to miss the first 4 years of your little girl's life
...to know that every minute that goes by, is another minute that she doesn't know she is loved and belongs to a family

Today was bittersweet. We started our day cheering, singing and celebrating for Mia! What fun to celebrate her life, but painful to miss another day with her - especially a birthday. I wonder if she knows it is her birthday. Do the nannies give her extra hugs today? Or sing? Mia's orphanage does not allow birthday cakes to be sent (some do)- otherwise we would have done that. That was really disappointing to learn, but of course we honored their wishes. So, we decided that we needed to celebrate as a family for her...

We went out to our favorite Chinese restaurant, Yao's. The staff "knows" us because Steve and I frequent there often for lunch dates. Our waitress usually can repeat our sushi order before we even sit down! :) Today we went as a family. The kids and I met Steve there for a late lunch. They were super excited! When we arrived, we were given gifts decorated with ladybug chocolates and an adorable ladybug balloon. (the ladybug is a symbol for adoption in China). Our dear friend, Christy, had dropped them off earlier in the day and arranged for them to be waiting for us when we arrived. It was so thoughtful. We also brought a gift for Mia and some cupcakes. We had a wonderful meal, took some pictures, opened presents, lit candles and sang happy birthday. She received a little baby doll from us, an adorable children's storybook and a Chinese cookbook from Aunt Christy and a cup with her name on it from our sweet neighbor, Courtney (to match the ones the other kids use all the time). After visiting for a while with the staff about Mia, we gathered everything up and headed out.

It was a special time for us. We had fun. It brings me great comfort to know that the Lord is the Father to the fatherless. He is the defender of the weak. Our hearts ache for Mia be in our arms, but we know that even while we wait, she is in His. We are so thankful that this will be the LAST birthday she will spend without her family and the last birthday that we will spend without her. She is already so loved.

Mia's Care Package has arrived in China!

I just received notice that the care package we sent for Mia has arrived in China. We are using a wonderful woman named Ann at Red Thread China to help us with the process. I put together a package and shipped it to Ann. She will then translate a letter for us and make sure that it is hand delivered to Mia's orphanage. Ann then gets updates from the orphanage nannies (and maybe photos!)and emails them to us!

Included in the package was: a soft pink blanket that we washed several times so that it would smell like her new home, a teddy bear, an outfit (dress, sweater, pants, socks and hair bow), candies for the orphanage nannies, 2 disposable cameras with the request that the nannies fill them with pictures of Mia and her friends, a letter to Mia from mommy & daddy(translated by our friends Wenkai & Melanie), a letter to the nannies (to be translated by Ann at redthreadchina) and a photo album for Mia (with labels translated by our friend Melanie) so that she can see her mommy, daddy, brothers, sister and bedroom. We are just thrilled that it has all arrived safely to Ann and that she will get it the rest of the way to Mia. Chloe and I prayed before we went into the post office that the Lord would protect this special package on its journey across the globe to our sweet sister on the other side. Thank you Jesus!

Below are some pictures of Melanie making the labels for us, the photo album, the letter to Mia and the package contents.

It's Been A LONG time!

After taking off well over a year from the blog world, it is time to start back up again. A lot has happened in that time and we are now getting ready to go get our precious little girl in China!!! There is so much to tell about how the Lord has directed and re-directed our path along the way, but I'll save that for another day.

Over the last several weeks we have been waiting on our transfer LID (log in date). What this means is that the CCAA (Chinese Center for Adoption Affairs) has to officially transfer our dossier (paperwork) from our old agency to our new agency, CWA (Christian World Adoption) where we found our daughter on their Hope Project list. I had decided in my mind that April 9 would be the earliest that we could expect our new LID. Traditionally, it has been taking on average 4-6 weeks to receive your new LID after submitting for transfer. Lately, however, it has been much more unpredictable and several families have waited close to 3 months. Our transfer request was submitted on March 4. I knew that I needed to be realistic. I calculated that April 9 would be just over 5 weeks and so that was the date I chose to look toward as the earliest possible arrival time.

In a nutshell, this week has been torture. I have wrestled with worry over whether our paperwork would somehow get lost in the shuffle. I struggled to keep myself from calling our caseworker and ask about any possible update on the progress. It's really crazy because I knew that if there was something to tell us she would call. Yesterday, I spent a lot of time praying about it. I prayed that the Lord would give me patience and self-control (not to call). I prayed that I would TRUST HIM, that I would be still and know that HE IS GOD. I also specifically prayed that He would show me that He is handling the details. Then finally, I prayed "You already know my heart and if at all possible - if it is within Your Will, move this mountain quickly." :) I just had to get it out there. I knew I wasn't fooling Him anyway. I wish that I could say that I felt a supernatural peace and overwhelming patience afterward, but I really didn't. I just continued with my daily activities.

This morning I received an email with a question from our case manager which required me to give her a call. I reached her immediately and after I answered her question...she told me that we received our new LID (yesterday)!!! That, my friends, can ONLY be GOD! When she told me, it literally took my breath away. It took 3 weeks! After I got off the phone I was shouting for joy and praising the Lord. Chloe (who has seen this on occassion) kept asking what happened?! I told her and she quickly joined in the jumping and cheering with me. After I took some time to reflect and thank God, I was overwhelmed. I felt as though the Lord was saying to me, "My child, do I need to show you again that I am in control and handling all of the details? Yes? OK. Done." Our transfer was likely completed within hours of that prayer. That was such a gift. Totally unnecessary. Totally unexpected. And God would still have been amazing and powerful and loving had He not done it, but today He chose to show Himself to me in a very real & personal way. There have been COUNTLESS examples just like this along our adoption journey (and in the lives of the v. crew) that continue to grow our faith, but today I wanted to share this one with you.

Praising My Jesus,
Karen