A few thoughts about attachment

Over the years, we have read many books and articles and taken several education classes on attachment and bonding in adoption. Without going into all of the details of attachment theory (and I certainly do not claim to be an expert), I thought that I would share a little bit of what we have learned. I also wanted to share specifically what we have come to understand about Mia and what we have seen as some of her potential problem areas.

First, fostering healthy attachment is incredibly important between a child and parent. It really serves as the secure foundation for future relationships. A child normally develops healthy attachment behaviors within the first 12 months of life. In a nutshell, this is accomplished over time with the consistent meeting of physiological needs (hunger, comfort, warmth, etc.) by the parent (or other consistent caregiver), emotional responses & interactions, proximity & closeness to one another and then the development of healthy fear of strangers. [It is more complex than this so I apologize to the neuropsychologists who may be reading this, but this is my quick overview! =) ]

For a child that has been institutionalized, the development of appropriate attachment can be really mixed up. For Mia, specifically, she has had many upheavals in her world. She was cared for by her birth mother for a very short time (days) and then abandoned - likely with unmet needs for many hours in the cold & dark. Then she was cared for at a police station for 2 weeks with many different shift workers. Next, Mia was placed in an orphanage with constant changing caregivers. At the orphanage, her needs were likely addressed on a schedule and not in response to her tears. (also not good for attachment) She was then moved to a foster family where perhaps she had some opportunities to grow some healthy attachment if she was well cared for and loved. And then, those caregivers were removed again and she was returned to the orphanage. Mia had to adjust yet again for 2 months prior to our arrival. And finally, she was given a mommy and daddy. Two new strangers, who look different, smell different, talk different and want to give her hugs and kisses. That is a LOT of trauma for one 4 year old little girl to endure.

It is no surprise that attachment does not come naturally for Mia. Although, she is doing very well, we definitely have seen a few things where we need to continue to be diligent. When we are around other people, Mia at times will respond by “performing.” She seems to act silly or goofy to get the attention or approval of others around us. If it is ignored – it stops. If she gets smiles or laughs, it builds. We do not want to give her an audience for this behavior. We do not want her to feel that she has to perform to receive attention. Actually, and more importantly, right now we do not want to promote her seeking attention of others outside of our immediate family.

That leads me to my other point. Mia also sometimes demonstrates an indiscriminate friendliness with outsiders. Many of you have seen her reach out her arm to you and seek your attention. While we love each of you, you are strangers to her. And just like we would never allow any of our children to reach out to or be held by a stranger at Walmart, we need to teach Mia that it is inappropriate for her to seek the love or touch of a stranger. Those needs are to be met by her mommy and daddy alone. I am sure that you can appreciate how it would be unhealthy and unsafe for her to do anything else.

Unknowingly, many can see her indiscriminate friendliness as charming or cute and then reinforce those behaviors. This only delays Mia’s ability to develop a necessary preference for us, her parents. And again, we know that each of you are well-intentioned and want to love her (and for her to love you), but in her world you are strangers. Trust me, I know this is really difficult on the people who love us and love Mia. (It also would be incredibly hard for me if it were reversed and she was your new child that I had been so faithfully praying for and dying to meet.) Honestly, it is hard on me too because I want to see Mia love the people we love. I would also love to be able to get a break and have someone else care for her at times, but there will be plenty of opportunities for that after we are assured that she has a secure and healthy attachment to us.

So how can you help us?
*First, PRAY for us. Pray for Mia’s healthy and secure attachment to us. Pray that Steve and I will persevere as we work diligently to foster her healthy attachment. It can be exhausting.
*Please understand our need for your help with her attachment. We really cannot reinforce the messages of mommy & daddy preference without your help.
*Remember that our requests are not personal and not even what we would prefer to do, but it is what we need to do in order for Mia to attach appropriately.
*Know that, for now, Steve and I need to be the only ones to hold, feed, comfort, rock, cuddle, bathe or dress Mia. Even reaching out to touch Mia right now sometimes brings out in her some negative attachment behaviors.
*If you want to give something to Mia, please first hand it to me or to Steve so that she sees that we are the decision-makers for the things that involve her.
*If she reaches to you, smile at her and wave, but try not to engage her.
*If she starts “performing,” please do not give her an audience.
*Finally, if you are unsure – just ask!!! PLEASE don’t avoid us because you don’t want to do it wrong. We love our friends and family so much and your presence in our lives refuels us tremendously. My heart would break if you pulled back now. This is new to us and hard for us and we are really hoping and praying that it won’t be for long.

Thank you for being willing to walk this journey with us. Thank you for being willing to be educated about adoption and attachment. Thank you for your continued support and prayers. Thank you for the emails, the comments, the phonecalls, the cards, the gifts and the meals. It makes me cRazY that I have been unable to respond to each of you and thank you promptly. Anyone who knows me, know that is really not the way I like to roll. But, God has me in a different place right now, so thank you instead for your understanding.

Again, I want to assure you that Mia is overwhelmingly doing so well with her attachment and we are so grateful to the Lord. These tips are really in response to the questions that we have been receiving from many of you. We hope and pray that Mia will continue to move toward a healthy and secure attachment to her mommy and daddy and that someday this work will be a distant memory.

I'm tired, and at times a little wearied by the hard stuff...
BUT,
the LORD will satisfy my needs and strengthen my frame.

My dear friend, Jess, called today to share with me some Scripture that was like sweet balm for my soul. Thank you Jess for responding to that prompting. Thank you again and again. Your timing was providential. The LORD has truly surrounded us with His love through His people. It has overwhelmed me.

And here are those words that ministered to me today, the very breath of God...

...and if you spend yourselves on behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday sun.
The LORD will guide you always;
He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and He will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Isaiah 58:10-11

The latest around here...

Our internet has been down for the last five days…so while I intended to update sooner, it just was not possible. The latest things we have learned are: Mia’s EEG was normal. Praise God. Mia has been completely off of her meds for 4 days and she has had no problems. Praise God. We were told to watch her for several months as it can take that long for the effects of her medication to leave her brain. The only change that I have seen in her is that she may be a little less sleepy. Yesterday was the first day since we met her that she did not take a 2 hour nap (although she slept for about 40 minutes during church). It is difficult to tell so we’ll see.

Mia had her dentist appointment (thank you Jess for all of your help!) The appointment basically went as I expected. She needs surgery. Her surgery is scheduled at the hospital on September 17. Mia’s decay is so widespread that they decided not to do the x-rays and cleaning at her appointment since she would require more of the same during surgery. They decided to wait and do all of it while she is under anesthesia. So, instead we did a knee-to-knee lap exam where the hygienist and dentist both examined her from my lap (with her head in theirs).

Our dentist explained that she has extensive decay and used a lot of words like pulpotomies, root canals, osteo something or other, extractions, and crowns. He really is unable to give me the specifics until he gets in there during surgery. Right now we need to get her mouth healthy. Believe it or not, Mia’s mouth is not the worst he has seen and is not at all uncommon for kids coming to the US through international adoption. He went on to say that a young boy he treated from Poland had gone blind in one eye due to the untreated decay. Devastating. I am looking forward to getting Mia’s mouth healthy.

During her exam, the dentist quickly noticed something sticking up where one of her molars once had been. I had seen this as well since we are brushing her teeth 4-5 times every day. I just assumed that it was a remaining piece of her tooth and that all the rest had broken away. It looked like a sharp sliver of tooth sticking up out of her gums. Before I knew what was happening, the dentist was asking for 2x2s, some kind of instrument and telling me to hold Mia’s hands. He quickly pulled it out and her mouth began filling with blood. Shocked, I asked what it was and he told me (as best as I can remember) that it was the root of her tooth that had been left exposed and unsecured because the bone had decayed away.

I was a little bit stunned. I asked if that hurt her. [Her eyes had gotten really big and she squeezed my hands for about 15 seconds, but she did not make a sound.] He explained that with kids like her, that they have such a constant level of pain in their mouths that while it did hurt, it was not the same as if it were in a healthy mouth. I felt a little nauseous. Generally, I have no problem with blood or any kind of medical issue, but the thought of her having a root yanked from her mouth without even making a sound was pretty upsetting to me. My heart breaks for the pain that she must be in all of the time. September 17 cannot come quickly enough.

At this point I am trusting that he is a good dentist. And I am told that he is. I am trusting his recommendations. He is incredibly experienced and does 1000 surgeries a year. He has worked on many, many international kiddos. Honestly, I feel far less adequate to assess her dental needs than I do her neurological and developmental ones. I am trusting the Lord for His direction. It is pretty clear that she needs major intervention, but as far as the details, we really won’t know until she is out of surgery.

We are still doing well though I am pretty tired much of the time. I am trying to figure out how to get out of the kitchen. By the time I am finished feeding #4, #1 is hungry again. =) Mia is getting along well with Chloe and the boys, other than the typical sharing disagreements. Chloe has never had to give up the girly toys around here, so these are good heart issues and life lessons for her to work on too. Mia’s receptive language is improving everyday, but I am certain that much of her hearing world is still very confusing. Please continue to pray for those needs. Better go, I’ve got a million loads of laundry calling me and someone is hungry again. =)

His grace is sufficient.
His power is made perfect in my weakness.
His grace is sufficient.


Below are pics from before we headed into the dentist and Mia in her favorite dress up.




P.S. We’ve also added to Mia’s list of the all-American kid experiences with a wagon ride to the school playground, running through the sprinkler, underducks on the swingset, playing on a slip and slide (thanks Tammy, Baylee and Kinsey), and many games of Zingo (a new favorite of hers).

So far so good...

Well today is Mia's third day with her meds reduced to only 1x/day (she was taking them 3x/day). After tomorrow, she will be completely weaned. So far, we have seen absolutely no changes. Not behaviorally or with any seizure activity. Praise the Lord. We have not received any lab results or EEG results yet. We were told to call tomorrow if we had not yet heard anything. So we'll see.

Today is another big appointment. We are heading to the dentist. Yikes. I think I am more nervous about this appointment than the others. I know the report is going to be REALLY bad. I know the recommendations are going to be REALLY costly. Mia's appointment is at 1:30pm. Please pray that all goes smoothly and that she is not fearful. And that I don't hyperventilate when they lay out the game plan. =) My sweet friend, Jess, is coming with us to help with the other three (and to bring the paper bag for me). LOL.

Other than that we have been SUPER busy around here. I really have not had much of any break between wake time and bed time (6:15am - 8:00pm). Mia has been thrilled to explore all of the new things around the house and outdoors. She LOVES playing dress up and working at our play kitchen. We have spent hours doing puzzles and coloring. Mia is doing very well with repeating letters and words as we work together. She is constantly initiating working on her letter puzzle. Her world has been busy. She has painted, helped with the laundry, gone to a picnic, learned the clean up song, worshipped with her church family, visited the grocery store, the bank, and Steve's clinic. She has learned to ride a bike with training wheels and showed such determination. She has played in the sandbox, helped set the table & dry dishes, slid down the stairs on her belly with her siblings, tried her first lick of fresh chocolate chip cookie dough and so much more.

It has been so sweet to see her taking in every detail. She watches all that is going on around her. And now every time I give her a meal, she folds her hands to pray. (Melt). She LOVES music and dancing and playing with her siblings. She has eaten everything we have given her which I am sure are totally new tastes and textures including peanut butter and jelly, a turkey dog, chicken chili, and enchiladas. She loves lip gloss and nail polish and princess dresses. Her adjustment has overwhelmingly been going so well. She is getting along really nicely with Chloe and the boys and she runs to see Daddy when he gets home. We are so grateful to the Lord. And for your prayers on our behalf. I am one tired mama of four, but the Lord is good.

Children's Hospital

What a difference a few days makes. Just being on the other side of jet-lag has made life much more manageable. It took one full week. We have also had a lot of great progress with Mia and between Mia and Chloe. Thank you so much for all of the prayers, support and encouragement. It means the world.

This past Friday was a FULL day of appointments and evaluations at Children's Hospital of Wisconsin in Milwaukee for Mia. Steve took the day off from work and the original plan was that he would join us. My friend, Christy, would watch the other 3 at home. After being away from them for so long, and seeing that Mia's medical needs looked less severe than we had anticipated, Steve decided it would be really nice to just stay home and have some special time with Caleb, Luke and Chloe. I agreed. I asked Christy if she would be interested in joining me for the Milwaukee trip so that I would have an extra set of hands, ears and a companion for the adventure. She said absolutely and made all kinds of arrangements for her girls and her 5 day club to make it happen. Thank you Derek, Kristy, Amy and Megan for helping Christy so that she could help ME. What a gift. It was quite a day and I could NEVER have done it without her. She was such a blessing to me. Thank you, Christy, a million times over.

We left about 7 am and headed down. Within about 45 minutes, Mia was clearly not happy about being strapped in the backseat alone, so Christy took over the driving and I hopped in back. I had been so consumed with having all of her medical records, insurance things and snacks for the trip that I packed NOTHING for Mia to do on the 3 hour drive. We did a lot of drawing of letters and rainbows (which, after being in Beijing, I was sure she had NEVER seen in her life) on a notepad for the next hour. My sister, Kathy, came to the rescue when we made a hyperspeed potty stop at her place for Mia (2 hours into the drive). We called Kathy a few minutes from her exit and when we arrived she had a huge bag ready for us filled with crayons, coloring books, magnet boards, books, toys, a play doctor's kit and gum. We were literally there for 3 minutes, but it made a world of difference! She's unbelievable. Thank you Kathy!

We had appointments with the International Adoption (IA) Clinic, Pediatric Neurology and epilepsy team, Lab and an EEG. At the IA Clinic, we had a lot of discussion time about Mia's progress and development. In a nutshell, we learned that she is right on track developmentally - cognitively, and with gross and fine motor skills. She is also healthy with all of her growth. These were things that Steve and I were already pretty confident of from our own assessments during our time with her in China, but it was wonderful to have confirmed. She is doing so well. Praise the Lord. We LOVED the team at the clinic. They were very affirming of all that we were doing to promote attachment (which Christy was perfectly putting into practice), but that is for another post. They also stated that they would not be surprised if Mia did not have epilepsy at all. It would not be the first time that they had seen that come from China. [Shock]

Then we headed to neuro and got the run down. They were also great. Because our records from China were old (2008), incomplete, vague and questionably valid, it was time for us to start getting a legitimate medical history on Mia. It was determined that we should wean Mia from her medication to see if she actually has any need for them. They also wanted to do an EEG. We were given a lot of information about seizures and how to handle them, etc. Fortunately (or unfortunately) that is something I have recently experienced when an acquaintance had a grand mal seizure while I was out with a group of friends. I am grateful to feel prepared should Mia have an issue, but I am certainly praying that she will not.

Then it was on to the EEG. We were told that Mia would have 20 leads glued to her head and that they would need her to sleep for a 20 minute portion of the test. I had no idea how this was going to go. I had no idea if she would kick or fight or cry hysterically. I also had no idea how I would get her to sleep in the middle of the day in a doctor's office. I still do not know why I am surprised when God shows up in miraculous ways. But HE DID.
All glory to Him.

The technician proceeded to "sand" Mia's scalp and glue all 20 leads to her head. She turned on The Little Mermaid for Mia to watch and gave her this fun blinking toy and pinwheel for her to play with in order to keep her distracted. Mia did well. She was clearly a little anxious and had a nervous laugh during much of the prep. After the leads were on, the technician told us that she would wrap her head in gauze and then we would need Mia to sleep. I wondered how in the world that was going to happen - didn't she realize that sleep falls into the category of things you cannot make a kid do. And if I did not have two other witnesses no one would believe this...

just minutes later, as the tech wrapped Mia's head,
with her sitting up,
watching a movie,
getting her picture taken and
playing with two silly toys,

Mia's head started to bob.
Mia started falling ASLEEP!

The tech placed the last piece of tape on the gauze and I literally laid her down already asleep.

Glory to God.

Why should I doubt the CREATOR of the Heavens and Earth?
He is SO GOOD.
He is still working miracles every day in our lives.
May we not miss them and never fail to give Him the glory.
This day and this journey as a whole has been so bathed in prayer, by so many, and I am so grateful.

I'm still in awe.

We got the full 20 minutes of sleep EEG and I had to wake Mia for the remainder of the test. She woke after some gentle coaxing and we finished up. We headed to the lab where we miraculously got a stool sample (another story not fit for the blog) and waited. Mia was a real trooper for the blood draw. It was only one poke, but probably 15 viles of blood. I held her on my lap and she just let out a short whimper as the needle went in and another when it was removed. She sat silently and motionless while the endless viles were collected.

And then we were done. It was almost 6 pm when we started our trek home. We stopped at a store or two, but it was POURING rain and didn't make for ideal shopping weather. It didn't make for ideal driving weather either, but we took it slowly. As we continued to drive and look for a place for dinner, the rain began to let up.

And then it came.

A full and gorgeous RAINBOW appeared in the blue sky.

Mia's FIRST rainbow.

Thank you Lord.

Christy and I were doing everything we could to get Mia to see it. We pointed and motioned. We shouted excitedly over & over. We drew pictures and pointed some more.

And then,
SHE SAW IT.
And with a huge grin, she said, "RAINBOW!"

We stopped the car, got out and reveled at it.

What a perfect end to the day. That is My God.

Thank you Lord for Your promises.

And God said, "This is the sign of the covenant I am making between Me and you and every living creature with you, a covenant for all generations to come: I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between Me and the earth. Genesis 9:12-13










Please pray for us this week as we wean Mia from her medications. Pray that she will not have difficulty as it leaves her system. Pray that she will have complete healing of her seizures. And please pray, that if Mia does begin to have seizures, that we can respond with peace and move forward medically with complete trust and in the strength of our Lord. We thank you for your faithful prayers.

Six days home

*Disclaimer*
Today has been our toughest day so far - I did not know where this post would go when I started it and it was completed many hours later. I fear sharing some of this. I fear that I will not bring glory to the Lord. I fear that I will scare people away from adoption. I want to paint a pretty perfect picture, but that would not be true. And I need to be honest with myself and those around me. I need people to know how to pray...


As I sit down today to write, I really have no idea what I will say. It has been 3 weeks today since we got Mia and 6 days since we arrived home. Time feels crazy right now. It seems as though it has s l o w e d unimaginably. I am sure that it has something to do with the fact that I have seen almost every hour on my clock for too many days in a row. The jet-lag has been far more difficult than we anticipated.

Even so, it is AMAZING to be home. It has been SO good to be together as a family. It still has not worn off how much I missed our three at home. I am really treasuring my time with them - individually and as a crew. So many other good things about being home...I love seeing my friends and neighbors and being able to give and receive real live hugs. I love being able to brush my teeth with water from the tap. I love being able to turn on Christian radio and worship my King. I love sleeping in my OWN bed WITH my husband instead of separate twin beds. I love being able to let the water from the shower run into my mouth without fear of sickness. I love not living out of suitcases. I love doing laundry in machines instead of a sink. I love not rationing my shampoo and conditioner. I love blogging on my computer instead of a laptop. I love plugging things into any number of the abundant outlets without adapters or converters. I love receiving calls from people just checking in instead of relying on weak internet connections. I loved having a big juicy cheeseburger fresh off the grill made by my grilling-king man. I even love Walmart (actually that's not true, but it is SO much better than Carrefore).

So, mostly people are wondering how it is going. How is the transition? Overwhelmingly things are good. I think. I have nothing to compare it to. The kids have been very receptive of their new sister and all of the changes around here. They adore her. Mia, too, is doing well overall. There is nothing we've seen that we have not fully expected. But it has not been easy. We have definitely been seeing more meltdowns and more tears. More frustration. Mia has a hard time without my full attention. Not always, but sometimes. She also is having a very difficult time with Chloe. I am sure she sees her as competition and this is survival mode. Chloe has had a LOT of tears over the way Mia treats her. And honestly, so have I. How do I demonstrate love to both of my daughters through this without giving approval for very unkind behavior? Chloe has such a tender heart and this is really hard to understand. It is also hard for her to give Mia space. We have had many long talks and shared many tears together in just a few short days. She is only five and yet she is demonstrating grace beyond her years.

During our time at home, there have been a lot of sweet moments too. I have witnessed hugs and holding hands and sweet giggles coming from behind the girls' bedroom door. I have watched the boys be tender and helpful and patient. Mia has warmed to Steve while watching the others adore him. Mia has responded to both Steve and I with sweet whispered I love yous (in Chinese and English). She is pouring out kisses especially in the morning and at bedtime. There has been teaching and sharing and forgiveness and mercy and love and grace like never before. I have had some of the most tender moments I have ever had with my children in these past 6 days. We have grown closer as a family than we have ever been.

It is hard for me emotionally when Mia is acting out. The Lord has revealed more and more to me about my own pride in this process. (ouch.) I am definitely the kind of mama that is not okay with being sassed at, or disrespected, or tantrums. Ever. And a sassy mouth or a disrespectful attitude are definitely my two hot buttons. So this has been hard. It is brand new territory and the discipline needs to be COMPLETELY different. I have to remind myself that, while Mia is four years old, she is a newborn into our family. She doesn't know the language. She doesn't recognize the food. She doesn't know the expectations. And she is fighting for anyone and everyone to love her. She does not understand that her parents can love her AND her siblings at the same time. And, she doesn't know Jesus.

I know that this will get easier. I know that the Lord would not have called us to this journey without equipping us for it. I know that I am being pruned and shaped and molded. At times it hurts. I know that there is reward in the end. I have seen many glimpses of a sweet, silly, loving & tender little girl. I pray that she will realize it is safe for her to let go. This is forever.

Hanging on to Jesus,
Karen

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Sweet Reunion

Our homecoming was the sweetest reunion I have ever experienced. Ever.

To start at the beginning, our travel day went unbelieveably smooth. We woke up to a cloudy day in Guangzhou, but no sight of thunderstorms which had been the forecast the night before. Our first little miracle. Thank you Lord. The first 3 hour flight went very well. Mia slept for about 1 hour, ate her meal for about 1 hour and watched a movie for the rest of the time. We arrived at Seoul early and were able to hop on-line for a short time in the exact same spot that we had been 19 days earlier. It seemed like a lifetime ago. We also spent about an hour in the children's play area with Mia.

As we boarded our 2nd flight (13 hours) to Chicago we were told there would be a delay due to another connection. We ended up taking off about 40 minutes late. As the time ticked away, I saw the possibility of the 6 pm bus from Chicago disappear. I knew that was a long shot because our initial estimated arrival was intended for 5:40pm. Everyone had told me not to even consider it - I was fine with that and settled on the 7pm bus. The flight went unbelievably well. Asiana airlines is outstanding in case you are ever flying to Asia, by the way. =) Of the 13 hours, Mia slept for probably at least nine. During the rest of the time, we did stickers, looked at books, had snacks, meals, and potty trips. She did not whine or fuss for even 3 seconds of the entire trip. It was pretty crazy. When we got to Chicago we had to circle the airport for at least 20 minutes, so we did not get off the plane until 6:30. I had every intention of sprinting to the front of the plane when we landed (from row 24) which was a skill we witnessed countless times on our China flights. My best efforts got us to row 19. =) And then we sat and waited.

As we stepped off the airplane, I paused - she's an American citizen! And then we ran. No time for a picture. We went up and down the steps, flying past the escalator riders and made it through customs and immigration pretty quickly, it was 6:45 when we started waiting for our luggage. And then we waited. And waited. We still had one more stop through another immigration area for Mia (as a new US citizen with the famous brown envelope) after we were to get our luggage. At 6:55pm when we still did not have a single piece of our 4 pieces of luggage, I knew we would not be making the 7:00 bus. The next one was not until 8:30. I turned on my phone to call Kathy and tell her we would be arriving 90 minutes later. Just hearing her voice, I burst into tears. We were disconnected after about 2 minutes, but she knew we would be coming on the later bus. Our luggage came, we got through the immigration area and arrived at the bus stop at 7:15. I asked another driver if our bus was gone and he said it had left only 5 or 10 minutes ago. =( Over and over, Steve kept saying this is really not a big deal - our travel day went miraculously well. He was right. I was disappointed, but certainly not going to complain. It really had gone so well. Thank you Lord.

We spent our next hour and 15 minutes waiting for the bus and grabbing some food. The bus ride went quickly (3 hours) and then we saw Kathy's face! We arrived at 11:35 pm, right where we had left her 19 days earlier. What a joy. It was so good to see her. She handed Mia a stuffed monkey and a bowl full of freshly cut strawberries and immediately made it into her winner circle. After we got loaded into the car, she handed me cheese and cracker Combos (my ABSOLUTE favorite snack) and a water bottle (that was COLD! - unlike any in China). And then she reached into a mini-cooler and pulled out 2 pints of Culver's custard (and spoons) for Steve!! Seriously, can I have a better sister? There is no way.

As we thoroughly enjoyed our treats, Kathy drove us to her house where we were met by the rest of team Williams. It was so great to see their faces. It was 12:10 AM!We did a quick round of hugs, intros of Mia and bathroom runs and got on the road. Steve had not slept at all in the last 36 hours or so, but he was so thrilled to get behind the wheel and head for home. Almost immediately after starting the drive, my emotions overwhelmed me. I cried nearly the entire 2 hour trip. I shared every one of my thoughts and fears about all of the changes for our family - that were now only minutes away. Will Mia love them? Will she love us? Will they love her? Will it ever feel natural? Will it be awkward? Will she feel like an outsider? Will she grow up to be angry? Will she attach in a healthy way?Every doubt and fear that I have ever had during this process was unleashed. I sobbed.

Steve was exactly what I needed in that moment. He listened. He shared. And he led me right to the cross. He revealed every lie and he reminded me of the truth. We belong to the Lord. This journey has been His all along. There is no guarantee that it will be easy. With any of our children. But it will be good. It will shape us and mold us into the likeness of His Son. It will teach us about choosing love in a way that we have never been taught. At times in the face of rejection. Just like He did. It will lead us to our knees and that is a good place to be. Thank you Lord for my husband.

And then we pulled in. I told Mia this is your home. She had been very quiet, but awake the entire drive. She was seeing so many things that she has never seen before. She had not heard her language for many, many hours and yet she had been surrounded by people. Nobody looked the same anymore. She was listening to music, but didn't know any of the words. I tried to put myself in her place. She was so brave. Thank you Lord for preparing her heart. This must be so scary for her. Everything is different. Everything is unknown. We were strangers less than 3 weeks before. She is so brave.

There was a huge, BEAUTIFUL sign on the garage welcoming us home and more on the front door. I picked Mia up. I prayed. And I stepped inside. There stood my parents and Caleb. I gently introduced Mia to everyone. They were all quiet and cautious and it was perfect. Steve and I both burst into tears as we held Caleb. He looked like he had grown 6 inches. We were told his grin was bigger than it had been in weeks. And it never stopped. We had decided to get Mia in her jammies, brush teeth and put her to bed (in our room) before going in to see the others. We did. She was quiet and nervous, but shared a few smiles with her new big brother who was SO excited to see her. After she was settled, Steve and I and Caleb went into Chloe's room and lifted her out of bed. Her sleepy little smile turned into never-ending hugs and I love yous. We cried and cried and cried. Lastly, we headed into Luke. As Steve lifted him up, he looked so big to me. How did he get so big? He grinned and smiled and rubbed his eyes. He held on tighter to us than he ever has before. He kept saying, I thought this day would never come. We cried and cried some more.

We settled them all back in their beds and praised the Lord for His goodness and for His hand of protection and for His provision. We slept some and had an amazing first day at home. It is so good to be together. The kids cannot get enough of their new sister. Mia has done incredibly well. She has initiated hugs and holding hands with all 3. I stand in awe of our awesome Lord. I have no idea what this is all going to look like in a year, or ten years, or even tomorrow.

One day at a time in the strength of The King.

"Who am I, O Sovereign LORD, and what is my family, that you have brought me this far?" 2 Samuel 7:18

[Below is our very first family photo. My dad got Mia to laugh by pretending to fall to the ground. Boppa has made the winner's circle. We are grimy and dirty and exhausted and I have no idea what anyone is wearing, but this is it. The new V Crew - party of 6]



Off to church for another sweet reunion.

One More Sleep!

Tonight will be our LAST night in China! We are so ready to come home. We have had a completely free day. We have spent it packing and at the pool. Mia warmed up to the pool much more so today. There is a small kids pool that is only about 2 feet deep. She played in there for quite a long time. It seems that she prefers to have something firm beneath her feet. I get that.

At 4:30 we will meet our guide and he will give us Mia's passport with her travel visa to the USA! It is our very LAST piece of paper that we need to get home. Praise the Lord. We will have a very long travel day tomorrow. We leave at 9:30am for the Guangzhou airport. Fly out at 12:35pm. Lord willing, we arrive in Seoul 3 hours and 15 minutes later. We have only 1 hour and 45 minutes of layover time so we are praying for no delays. Our next flight will be 13 hours long to Chicago where we land at 5:40pm (Friday). Then onto a bus to Madison...picked up by Kathy around 10:15pm (if we make the first bus), then a 2 hour drive home. Best case scenario, we will arrive at 1:00am Saturday morning. So about 30 hours after leaving our hotel, we should be stepping into our house. I'm exhausted just thinking about it. If you think of it, pray for our safety and for smooth flights, for Mia's comfort and our patience along the way.

And while we're talking prayer requests, I have to tell you that our hearts are filled with gratitude to each and every one of you who has prayed for us along the way. Our family, here and at home, has been blessed tremendously by the Lord through you. Your emails and messages have brought an indescribable sweetness to our days. Your tender care for our three treasures at home has been beyond what we could have ever asked for. A thank you will never feel adequate enough for the way that you have ministered to us. Thank you.

This trip has been filled with every emotion you can imagine. There has been so much joy. But it has not been all glorious. Not even close. We have had times of fear and impatience and frustration. We are just ordinary people, with all kinds of weaknesses, walking by faith in Our Almighty God. We were called to China for this little girl. There is no denying it. We could never have done this in our own power. We still cannot walk this in our own strength. The Lord has brought us to a place of greater dependence on Him. At times it has been hard. But there is no place that we would rather be than right in the center of His will.

China has changed us forever.

We are so grateful.

To Him be all the glory forever.




Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.
He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.
Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;
but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.
Isaiah 40:28-31

We cannot wait for you to meet our new little girl!

Swearing In Ceremony

Today was a free morning for us. We skipped the sightseeing today (and yesterday) which has made for more down time. We have been able to get some shopping done and take pictures and video of the White Swan. This is really a beautiful hotel. All of the other adoptive families we have met have been so wonderful. It is funny how we really are not strangers sharing an elevator when we have shared this same road. We can relate with one another over the joy and the exhaustion and the longing for home in just minutes. This is a community that I will always treasure.

We just returned from Mia's swearing in ceremony at the US Consulate. There were about 35 other families there with their children as well. The American flag has never looked so beautiful to me. After each family was called to have their passports checked, the US consular came out and shared some details of the procedure. We were all asked to rise and raise our right hand. We repeated an oath on Mia's behalf. As we finished, everyone cheered.
There were a lot of tears.
This ceremony made it official.
As soon as Mia steps foot on US soil, she will be declared a citizen of the United States of America. Thank you Lord.

This whole process continues to be filled with such emotion. I thought a long time today about the gift of US citizenship. I have never spent time in a communist country before now. There are so many freedoms and liberties that I have taken for granted. I pray that the Lord will not remove His hand of blessing from the USA as we turn as a nation further and further from Him.

But even as much as I am longing for home,

I am reminded that the United States of America is not my home.

As much as I love Wausau (and I really do),

Wausau is not my home.

My citizenship is in Heaven.

Our time on this earth is fleeting. Just a vapor. I pray that I will live faithfully preparing for my eternal home with Jesus Christ. I want to be found faithful. And so often I fail. I pray He will use me during my time here on earth - for HIS glory and not my own.

My prayer is that Mia will fall in love Jesus. And that today, while a very special ceremony, will only be the celebration of her temporary citizenship.

May she one day receive citizenship in Heaven.

It is my heart's cry.

Lord let it be.




But our citizenship is in Heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorius body. Philippians 3:20-21

Happy Birthday Caleb!! (and Red Couch Pictures)

I can hardly believe our big guy is NINE today. Where has the time gone? He is half way to adulthood. How can that be? (Sniff.) We are so sad to be missing Caleb's special day. He was okay with it as long as we got him a gift from China. (Done). Thank you Kathy, Mark, Rachel and Audrey for making his day extra fun. Give him kisses from us. Caleb has been such a joy in our lives. He is an incredibly bright and creative kid. He has a passion for truth and is tremendously loyal. His ability to debate has brought this mama to her knees on countless occassions and I am certain in his toddler years he could have given Tedd Tripp & James Dobson a run for their money. We have loved watching him grow in his love for the Lord and in his obedience to His Word. We pray that he will grow into a man who pursues the Lord with passion all the days of his life, who loves the people around him with kindness and a tender heart and who leads others well for the glory of God. We love you Caleb! Big hugs to you!

Today has been a quiet day. The phone DID NOT ring during our visa appointment which is good news. All is well! Afterward, Mia and I did some shopping for a couple of hours. For all those familes waiting to come, Emma's, A Gift from China and Jordan's are my absolute favorite shops! Make sure to go to their places first. We had our Red Couch pictures just a little while ago and I posted some below. All 5 of the kiddos...from left to right: Lila, Mia, Jace, AnnaGrace and Aaron. Lila and Jace are the two kiddos (and their families) that we have been with all along. They are also from Beijing. The other two families have joined us since we arrived in Guangzhou.

I am definitely beginning to feel depleted. We are ready to come home. Nineteen days is a really long time. We miss everyone like crazy. Thank you for your continued prayers for endurance. His grace is sufficient. Oh how many times I have repeated those words to myself over these last weeks. I am so thankful that He has written His Word on my heart.

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Corinthians 12:9


Below are two photos of Mia from today...one of her digging in the backpack looking for gum (a very regular activity) and one after a couple hours of shopping with Mama.




The Red Couch Pictures & some group shots of the 5 families...

Medical Exam

We just returned from the medical exam - one more step completed! Mia did great. She was seen in 3 different areas: 1. height, weight and temperature 2. physical exam (very cursory lookover), 3. ENT. For Mia, it was pretty quick and painless. The children who needed vaccinations had those last. Jace only needed 3 and he was a real trooper. Thank you for the prayers. Many kids had 5, 6 and 7 - one up to 10 vaccinations all at one time. No one will ever convince me that is a safe or healthy option for these children. I am so grateful that Mia did not have to undergo those. We have a copy of her vaccination record (which looks complete) and we will have titres done at Children's Hospital to determine if she needs any additional vaccinations.

We did a little bit of shopping and I found Mia a traditional dress for her "Red Couch Photo." This is a famous picture that all of the adoptive families do on the red couches of the White Swan Hotel. We will be headed out to another pedestrian shopping district this afternoon. This is such a nicer pace. It is still very warm, but it feels tropical with the palm trees and resort like hotels. It feels surreal being in the famous White Swan Hotel. I have literally been reading about Guangzhou, the red couch pictures and all of the little shops around here for nearly three years. So many families who have gone before us have walked these same cobblestone streets. Guangzhou is where the US Embassy is located so no matter what province your child is from, all US families must complete their adoptions here.

Last night we ate dinner at the famous Lucy's. It is an "American" restaurant. Steve had a burger and fries, Mia had a kids meal - chicken strip, fries, fruit, juice and ice cream, and I got pizza. The food was very average, but it was great to have something other than Chinese (which I NEVER thought I would say). By the way, Steve seems to be our "give it to Mikey he'll try anything" guy. I guess if he'll eat guinea pig - how bad can it be? Also, we now have a stroller for Mia. We carried her everywhere in Beijing to help with bonding. It was great, but HOT and she is not light. Since she has been doing so well, we thought we would try the stroller here in Guangzhou and she LOVES it. She wants to get in it first thing in the morning. It has made getting around quite a bit easier and less HOT.

We are definitely in the home stretch now. Tomorrow is our consulate appointment where our guide goes with all of our paperwork to apply for Mia's visa. We stay in our room during that hour and wait. If he does not call - all is well. It is also Caleb's 9th birthday! We are SO sad to be missing his big day. I am grateful that he is with Aunt Kathy, Uncle Mark, Rachel and Audrey. I know that they will make him feel special. BIG THANKS to you Kathy & the rest of Team Williams for taking your round with the baton. The kids are always thrilled to be with their cousins, but that can make for lots of energy. I'm praying for you guys. We miss you all beyond words. God is GOOD.

Teach me your way O LORD, and I will walk in your truth; give me an undivided heart, that I may fear your name. Psalm 86:11

Good Morning Guangzhou

Praise the Lord for blue skies! It is still in the 100s, but at least we can see the sunshine! Guangzhou is BEAUTIFUL! We had a wonderful walk through Liu Hua Hu Park this morning. It was gorgeous. Breathtaking banyan trees, mango & banana trees. Beautiful flowers and white puffy clouds. Just what this mama needed.

Our hotel is also gorgeous. It is FILLED with other adoptive families everywhere. It feels like such a wonderful community. Another family has joined our group, traveling with a teenage daughter and one set of grandparents. They are sweet and their daughter is adorable too. As a gift to each of the adoptive families, they brought us an "American looking" barbie doll holding a Chinese baby in her arms. It is a really sweet keepsake (though I look nothing like that barbie). =)

I will meet with our guide this afternoon for 1 1/2 hours to work on some paperwork. Our guide, by the way, Elvin is so great! Tomorrow morning is the medical exam. Because we are a non-Hague family, Mia will not have to receive any vaccinations and she had her TB done in Beijing before we arrived. That means no pokes for her. Praise the Lord. Little Jace (a Hague family) will likely have to have many, so please keep them in your prayers.

I am so excited to get out and do some shopping. There are some ADORABLE little shops around very used to all of the adoptive families. To answer some questions people have asked, we have (mostly me) been using some Chinese. The extent of my vocabulary is Hello, Goodbye, How are you, Thank you, How much, too much, you are welcome, potty?, are you hungry?, you are beautiful, it is time to sleep, be careful, it's okay, i love you, we love you, mine, yours... The rest we get by with pointing. =)

Mia is doing really well. In the last day or two she has been really playing with the other kids. It has been nice to see her share and take turns and offer her snacks to others. The other little girl with us is very tiny (like a 12 month old), but she is almost 2 1/2. Mia is very playful, but gentle with her. Yesterday when she was playing she kept gently putting her little hand under Lila's chin. That is EXACTLY the same thing Chloe does with children smaller than her. It was unbelievable watching her - she looked so much like Chloe to me. I really think that they will be fast friends.

It was also great watching her build with lego blocks at the airport - such appropriate play for her age. She is very careful yet determined. Another thing that cracks me up about Mia is that she tells me how she wants her hair done and what hair pretties she wants. She will grab her hair on both sides if she wants pigtails, or all up for just one. Then she looks in the bag of pretties and hands me what she would like - totally hilarious. We've got another girly girl!

All of the teenagers around here, when posing for pictures, make signs with their hands; ie. a peace sign, or hang ten sign, etc. They don't smile - it's just this hand sign thing. Mia tries to make a peace sign all the time for her pictures (I'm sure b/c she had teenage foster sisters), so you may see some of those. I am trying to get her to understand we SMILE for pictures and keep our hands DOWN. =) All in due time. I know it won't be long until she is very used to a camera in her face just like the rest of the VCrew. =)

The pictures have been taking a long time to upload, but here are a few from the children's play area at the airport yesterday, a new ride for Steve and from the park today. Only 5 more sleeps!! Miss and love you tons!