Six days home

*Disclaimer*
Today has been our toughest day so far - I did not know where this post would go when I started it and it was completed many hours later. I fear sharing some of this. I fear that I will not bring glory to the Lord. I fear that I will scare people away from adoption. I want to paint a pretty perfect picture, but that would not be true. And I need to be honest with myself and those around me. I need people to know how to pray...


As I sit down today to write, I really have no idea what I will say. It has been 3 weeks today since we got Mia and 6 days since we arrived home. Time feels crazy right now. It seems as though it has s l o w e d unimaginably. I am sure that it has something to do with the fact that I have seen almost every hour on my clock for too many days in a row. The jet-lag has been far more difficult than we anticipated.

Even so, it is AMAZING to be home. It has been SO good to be together as a family. It still has not worn off how much I missed our three at home. I am really treasuring my time with them - individually and as a crew. So many other good things about being home...I love seeing my friends and neighbors and being able to give and receive real live hugs. I love being able to brush my teeth with water from the tap. I love being able to turn on Christian radio and worship my King. I love sleeping in my OWN bed WITH my husband instead of separate twin beds. I love being able to let the water from the shower run into my mouth without fear of sickness. I love not living out of suitcases. I love doing laundry in machines instead of a sink. I love not rationing my shampoo and conditioner. I love blogging on my computer instead of a laptop. I love plugging things into any number of the abundant outlets without adapters or converters. I love receiving calls from people just checking in instead of relying on weak internet connections. I loved having a big juicy cheeseburger fresh off the grill made by my grilling-king man. I even love Walmart (actually that's not true, but it is SO much better than Carrefore).

So, mostly people are wondering how it is going. How is the transition? Overwhelmingly things are good. I think. I have nothing to compare it to. The kids have been very receptive of their new sister and all of the changes around here. They adore her. Mia, too, is doing well overall. There is nothing we've seen that we have not fully expected. But it has not been easy. We have definitely been seeing more meltdowns and more tears. More frustration. Mia has a hard time without my full attention. Not always, but sometimes. She also is having a very difficult time with Chloe. I am sure she sees her as competition and this is survival mode. Chloe has had a LOT of tears over the way Mia treats her. And honestly, so have I. How do I demonstrate love to both of my daughters through this without giving approval for very unkind behavior? Chloe has such a tender heart and this is really hard to understand. It is also hard for her to give Mia space. We have had many long talks and shared many tears together in just a few short days. She is only five and yet she is demonstrating grace beyond her years.

During our time at home, there have been a lot of sweet moments too. I have witnessed hugs and holding hands and sweet giggles coming from behind the girls' bedroom door. I have watched the boys be tender and helpful and patient. Mia has warmed to Steve while watching the others adore him. Mia has responded to both Steve and I with sweet whispered I love yous (in Chinese and English). She is pouring out kisses especially in the morning and at bedtime. There has been teaching and sharing and forgiveness and mercy and love and grace like never before. I have had some of the most tender moments I have ever had with my children in these past 6 days. We have grown closer as a family than we have ever been.

It is hard for me emotionally when Mia is acting out. The Lord has revealed more and more to me about my own pride in this process. (ouch.) I am definitely the kind of mama that is not okay with being sassed at, or disrespected, or tantrums. Ever. And a sassy mouth or a disrespectful attitude are definitely my two hot buttons. So this has been hard. It is brand new territory and the discipline needs to be COMPLETELY different. I have to remind myself that, while Mia is four years old, she is a newborn into our family. She doesn't know the language. She doesn't recognize the food. She doesn't know the expectations. And she is fighting for anyone and everyone to love her. She does not understand that her parents can love her AND her siblings at the same time. And, she doesn't know Jesus.

I know that this will get easier. I know that the Lord would not have called us to this journey without equipping us for it. I know that I am being pruned and shaped and molded. At times it hurts. I know that there is reward in the end. I have seen many glimpses of a sweet, silly, loving & tender little girl. I pray that she will realize it is safe for her to let go. This is forever.

Hanging on to Jesus,
Karen

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9