And there is tons to update, but here is the month in review. Mia is doing very well at pre-school. She loves it. She is playing with friends and gaining confidence in her language. We have made some real progress in many areas. For a period of about 4 weeks Mia was waking in the night and crying. This was a brand new issue. Mia had never demonstrated any difficulty with sleeping or crying in the night. From the day we met her in China, she would lay down and go to sleep at bedtime. Why now we questioned? I knew from our reading that there are often new layers of grieving and new layers to attachment that present themselves periodically. Is that what this was? It began when she was sick with pneumonia and then continued for weeks after she was healthy again. It was really difficult and we had no idea how to handle it. She was able to be consoled after some amount of time. Eventually Mia would stop crying, but if we left she would begin again and it was escalated into yelling and screaming. {MAD!}
She was sad and she was angry. It turned into a pattern of behavior where she was seeking our attention and love in the middle of the night. It went on for 1-2 hours some nights. Not so fun for anyone. We spent a lot of awake time and sleep time talking about how she could be sure of our love. We talked about how if she wakes up and is afraid or sad we would come and give hugs and kisses and pray, but then it was time to sleep again. We spent a lot of time in prayer. There were times that I felt so helpless. And times when I was very frustrated and exhausted. There were other times I just felt so sad for the insecurities that she must have in order to carry on in this way.
It is times like these when I really question how to parent. We knew that she was manipulating us and yet we knew that it was coming from such a fragile, emotional unmet need. We made sure to give a lot of extra love and kisses and snuggle time during the day. We talked a lot about what to do if she would wake up in the night {hug her baby, snuggle her blankies, ask for Mommy & Daddy if she needed our love}. We also told her that we were always available to give hugs and pray in the middle of the night, but afterward we would expect her to go back to sleep. We told her there would be consequences if she chose to continue to yell and scream. And we followed through. Her consequences were a nap the next afternoon and no treats after lunch or dinner the next day. I really had no idea if that would be effective, but we prayed desperately for her success. I am beyond grateful to say that Mia has now been sleeping through the night again without crying or yelling for over 3 weeks. Praise. The. Lord. And all glory to Him.
We have other issues that come up, but for the most part Mia is doing unbelievably well. I think because she is doing so well overall there are times that my expectations for her are way too high. I need to remind myself that she has only been in our family for 7 months. In many ways I believe emotionally Mia is much like a 2 year old.
{just a note...that is really hard to remember when she is in an almost 5 year old body and such a bright little girl}
Mia is gaining ground every day that she realizes the security she has in our family.
But trust takes time.
Mia continues to have an intense fear of dogs.
Unreasonably intense.
She clings to me (or Steve) with such grip & fear if a dog is even in the same room. She sobs and begs and pleads for the dog to be removed. It is so upsetting to me that she does not understand that she can trust us. I have seen fear in my other children before, but when they are in my arms they are comforted. For Mia, it is as though she does not believe that we will protect her. It is heartbreaking.
But we have gained ground here too. Just last night we went to our friend's home who have a sweet black lab. As soon as Mia heard that we would be going there, she said "I scared puppy." We spent a lot of time talking about the dog before we arrived. We spent a lot of time talking about how God gave her mommy & daddy to help protect her.
We talked about trust.
And for the first time, we were able to walk past the dog without gripping fear and tears. Mia said, "Hi puppy" as we walked past the dog and she allowed us to carry her inside. Don't get me wrong, Mia still was not interested in the dog being indoors or near her for any length of time, but she demonstrated a level of security and comfort in Steve's arms with the dog nearby that she has never shown before.
Even if it was brief.
That's victory.
Thank you Jesus.
On another note, Steve and I had the wonderful opportunity to getaway for 5 nights when we went on a cruise to the Bahamas at the beginning of the month. It was a much needed break for us. It was the first time away that Steve and I had taken since China {which was not a vacation}. Just saying. =) We went with 2 other couples who are dear friends and we had a blast. We made sure to have time alone as couples and then had lots of fun as a group during the evenings. My parents stayed with the kids and did a fantastic job managing all of the schedules, feeding the V. Crew and keeping life in order. We appreciated their sacrifice beyond measure. Steve and I both find it so important to have time away as a couple to pour into our marriage. My parents willingness to make that happen is a precious gift to us. Thank you Mom & Dad.
Until next time, we are thanking the Lord for His work in our lives and our family.
Below are a couple photos from the trip ...
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