Do I Hunger for Righteousness?

Without a thought, my response would be yes.

But when I pause, do I really?

Hunger?

For Righteousness.

Yesterday was one of those mornings where I felt the Lord speaking directly to me through His Word and through the faithful teaching of our pastor.  It was certainly not the first time.  We are so grateful for the church home that the Lord has blessed us with here.  We are so fortunate to be a part of a body that is led by humble servants of Christ and filled with people who we dearly love.  They are family. 

This weekend was an incredibly difficult one with Mia.  She has been demonstrating some significant lying and I am having a hard time.  A really hard time.  You see,  in our house, truth is one of those battles we are willing to fight.  It is a hill we have always been prepared to die on.  And now with Mia all bets are off.  When she decides to lie she has no intentions of backing down.  None.  Even when we are certain she is not speaking the truth. 

She will say, "I want to lie to Momma."

Let that sit for a second.

Because for me that statement cuts me to the core.  Lying is no greater sin than the greediness underlying a child's unwillingness to share with a sibling or the pride found in a boastful child.  But lying feels so much more personal to me.  It feels like a personal offense.  And my reaction, as a result, is so much more intense.  It breaks relationship.  It breaks trust.  It breaks fragile, growing bonds. 

I know that I need to recognize this is absolutely typical behavior of a child adopted at Mia's age.  It is likely the behavior that allowed Mia to survive her former circumstances.  I am certain that lying was a regular part of her life in an orphanage.  I am also fairly sure that lying was done to protect herself from potentially awful consequences.  And culturally, at times we experienced an acceptance, even expectation, of lying while we were in China.  So we have some real work to do.  And it is hard.  And painful.  I need to get some tougher skin.  I need to have right expectations.  I need to learn to live and respond like Christ.  To love extravagantly in the face of personal offense.

I do hunger for righteousness. 

Until it gets hard.

And then it seems I want the easy path to righteousness.



But refining requires fire.

I want to be in a place where I welcome the flames. 

Because I know on the other side is a beautiful reflection of Christ
and His redemptive work in me.

The song below has been ministering to me in huge ways this weekend.  The Lord brought it to me at just the right time.  And He provided wisdom and tenderness and understanding from my husband and boys who were away for the weekend.  He provided comfort from my friend Christy even all the way in Ohio.  And Jess who did not need to stop by, but did.  He provided His sweetness through my sister ready to drop everything and drive here.  And He showed His love through the dear friends who cared about us on Sunday morning even in the midst of their own busy weekends. 
Thank you to each of you.  

God is good.

I have prayed for this to pass.

But His love is too great to give us lesser things. 


So if the fire is what I need
and if the fire is what will bring Him Glory,

then yes please, bring the flames.

I hope this song will minister to you too (make sure to turn off my player at the bottom of my blog so that you can listen).






Truly Hungering for Righteousness,

Karen